it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
