we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
