Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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