what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
