it was like eating out sand paper
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
