wat bout pragnant strippers??
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
