just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
