So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
