Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
