I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
