You smell like stripper and shame
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
