Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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