whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
