i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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