I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
