Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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