If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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