I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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