I hope mine doesn't look like that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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