you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
