I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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