I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
