When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
