guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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