she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
