Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
