Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
