butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
