He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
