This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
