Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
