WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
only if we run a train.
done.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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