Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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