Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
