Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
