Im at strip club and am horny
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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