i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
