Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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