Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
