The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
