I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
