I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
