Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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