you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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