she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
