My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
