im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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