Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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