I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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