Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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