I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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