i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
