Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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