dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
