Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
