3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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