If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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