I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So many bounce houses so little time
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
