I wish I could teleport
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
