If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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