I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
