Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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