who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
