He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
