apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
