Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
