Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
