life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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