don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
