5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
