You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
