whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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