i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
