Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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