is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
