You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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