the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
