You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
