If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
