we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
