Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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