This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
