yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
