you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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