Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
